Be who you are and say what you feel...

I realized tonight (with the help of a friend) that I keep a lot of my opinion and beliefs to myself.  I think I do this more because I'm worried that someone may disagree or challenge my statements more than because I may be wrong.  I discovered that when it comes to a work I've created I am totally open and accepting of constructive criticism and critique because it's not a critique of me as a human but rather on something I've produced.  A friend asked me what I was saying about something in a paper; totally challenging.  After some conversation I was able to verbally express my opinions and beliefs but was apprehensive to do so to be honest.  It's my opinion though right? Same as being on paper, only I'm actually saying it.  I don't know where it's come from but I totally have a fear of expressing my opinion/beliefs about something and having someone completely tear it down.  In class I keep relatively quiet unless absolutely necessary for fear of someone having something negative to say about what I've just said.  I don't know how this differs so drastically from created works, but it does.

I'm making the decision to live by some fabulous words from Dr. Seuss: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

I'm reminding myself that my opinions are valid and valuable.  I'm growing in that I can allow myself the chance to make mistakes and not always have the right answer, as long as I know what I believe.  My life has been a journey of development.  Who I am, where i've been, and what I believe are all a result of my life experiences and there is nothing wrong with them.

This week I'm deciding to voice my opinion when appropriate as long as I'm ready and able to support my argument.  I'm also learning to separate product value from personal value and not take critique as anything more than suggestions for the future.

is this really what i signed up for???

So...grad school has officially begun!  You know it's going to be good when a professor leads off with something along the lines of..."give yourself permission to be frustrated, overwhelmed, and have mini-breakdowns..."  she followed that up with something about crying into a pillow but I had already zoned out in attempt of self-preservation.  It's been two days and I've already learned so much, written so much, and organized a bit too.  It's going to be a fast 3.5 weeks but I'm excited to experience everything about this new chapter in life.  It will take some patience with myself and some apologizing I'm sure to those I love the most who will be privileged enough to end up on the receiving end of my frustration, but 3.5 weeks goes by fast right?  I'm blessed to have a good support system and friends who love me lots, and my mom who has called to make sure I'm up and going after a long day and frustrating evening [she's amazing].

Please be praying for me, my sanity, and that I'm retaining all the information I'll be needing for the next season co-teaching a class of 7th graders.  

Happy Birthday Kiki

I'm so blessed by the people God has placed in my life!  I decided recently to start to highlight some of my favorites who have had an impact on my life these past few years

classy hats and good beer!

I'll start with my friend Christy (also known as Kiki)!

Today is my fabulous friend Christy's Kiki's(what her favorite kids call her...I love it) birthday!  I've known her since she moved to Long Beach sometime around 2004 (give or take a year or two).  We were on junior high staff together and worked for the same church around the same time.  Her uncle was my junior high pastor and probably one of my favorite people of all time while I was growing up...Kiki and I were made to be friends.  

not exactly the princess types...

We share a love of disney, ikea, good music, Jesus, dancing in the rain...the list could go on and on.  We've sat in the car and talked for hours and gone on adventures with our amazing random friends, I love this girl!  

poker night at Steven's 

I'm certain that unless something catastrophic happens Kiki will be a friend forever, and I'm so thankful.  My friendship with her has helped me learn to not take life too seriously.  She has inspired me to live in the here and how and take hold of new opportunities (she's way better at this than I am).  She loves those closest to her unconditionally and oh so well and makes sure that the people in her life feel as special as she thinks they are.  Her love for her little cousins and for her big brother have made her that much more of an amazing friend and person in general...she lives her life and loves those around her with excellence.  I'm horrible at keeping in touch so once I moved to Chico I didn't talk to her quite as much as we used to, but when we're both in the same part of the state we make it a point to at least say hi for a few minutes.  Now that she doesn't live in CA at all, that will be more difficult...but Chicago doesn't sound like a horrible place to visit...

Our friendship has had so many fun times...

we love kids masks
and ikea 

one evening we somehow ended up at Ikea...one of my favorite places!  We had so much fun walking around looking at home decorating ideas and random storage solution ideas.  We both carry our cameras at all times so when we came across the felt masks in the kids section we had to seize the photo opportunity...

One thing I love about Christy is her love of polaroid cameras.  They're amazing but I had all but forgotten they had even existed until she pulled hers out one day.  We went to a movie with some friends and of course the polaroid came along.  I feel like this particular night was in celebration of something but I can't remember what exactly.  I don't even remember what movie we saw...but I do remember the strong blue drink that was involved in the making of the night...so many good memories.  

When i was getting ready to move to Chico I made a few trips up for orientation and job hunting among other things.  One of my trips was right before my move for a job interview with the school district.  I had my interview and turned right around and went home.  

oh, the mullet!

Kiki was having foot surgery the next day and only had until midnight to eat her "last meal" as she called it.  If I remember correctly...I drove from Chico to Long Beach to meet up with her and enjoy a last meal [before surgery] of yogurtland and drinks at Fridays.  We sat outside yogurtland and talked about how amazing it was and about the surgery for the next day.  

Have you heard about grunion?  Sardine sized fish that during certain times of the year (full moon I think) come up on the beach to mate?  Growing up I remember going on a "Grunion Run" for one of my

you take piktcha?  

classes.  So much fun!  So during the summer of 2008 someone mentioned that it was grunion night Christy and I [somehow] convinced some new and old friends of ours to head down to the beach and wait for these small fish to do their thing...or so we thought.  After quite a few hours and no Grunion to be found the newly transplanted Texan Tim thought we were a couple of liars and all of us were cold and growing increasingly tired.  We asked a passer by to take our picture...a couple times...before we finally got someone to take it.  Then we loaded up in the car and headed for home.  It was a bummer of a night for the part of us that wanted to see some Grunion in action, but it sure made for some good memories and stories to tell for years to come.  I've had some good memories with my sweet friend!  I'm excited to see what these next few years hold for both of us; what God has in store for our jobs and lives and friendship.  Every time it rains I think of Kiki and "dancing"(term used loosely) in the rain and puddles and soup at Hoffs.  I think of ditching sociology class [on a semi-regular basis] to go get breakfast with Steph and Christy yet still pulling out a few of the highest grades in the class and I am thankful for all of our talks that have helped shape me into the woman I am and continue to shape me more and more into the woman I am becoming.  


Thanks Christy!  For loving well and setting a good example of a life well lived.  I am praying for you on your birthday and hope that you have an amazing time whatever it is you choose to do!  I hope that God blesses you beyond your wildest dreams and that he puts even more amazing people to join you in this journey you're on!  I'm blessed to call you friend!

you totally want to be our friend, huh?!?

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

It's All a Part of the Adventure...

This week has had new adventures to say the least...some exciting, some rather humorous...

• first time using my very own microwave (hooray big kid purchase)
• learning how to plunge a toilet [made necessary by a sweet friend who shall remain anonymous] 

I've been slowly settling into my new studio apartment and am still loving it and as excited as I was last time I posted; it's small but just enough space for me.

curtains in the kitchen!

  I love my orange wall, and aside from still needing curtains in the main section of the room, I'm getting pretty well settled.  I can hear my upstairs neighbor walking and his cats playing which may annoy some people but is a comfort to this city girl who grew up in a townhouse.  

my baby tomato plant!

It's nice to know I control my space but am close enough to people who love me that it's still safe and secure.  I know I'm here for a reason; it's starting to feel more like home than any of my other places in Chico.  

Along with a new apartment comes some new adventures right?  Only natural.  I had a friend over on Thursday who came out of the bathroom and sheepishly announced that she had clogged the toilet and was very sorry.  First thought: oh, crap!  literally.  

I got the plunger and gave it a good couple of trys, nothing.  Texted Logan to see if he'd come check it out; he did and said it should probably sit for a while.  We went to market to give it some time, hoped it would be easier to deal with when we got home.  It wasn't, so we called in reinforcements from the main house who handled it with three plunges (or whatever they're called). It was an adventure; I learned to plunge a toilet from one of the best, and now I know to announce that it's a low flow toilet that needs to be held down when you flush.  So...just in case you ever come over: hold the handle down when you flush!